so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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