i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
