We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
