Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
