I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize