I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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