I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
