Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
