Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
