just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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