i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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