I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
