Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
