how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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