Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
