there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
