Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
