your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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