I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
