I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
