Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
