she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
People in love make me want to vomit
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
