I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i permit you to call me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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