all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
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I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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