If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
