Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
