Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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