The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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