I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
