everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
