I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I forget how to act sober
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