You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
