is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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