They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
