My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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