i would punch a child for taco bell
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
