This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think i got beer on your cat.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
