May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
