Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
