he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
