I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
