WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
