We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
