I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
