I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
