I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
