What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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