My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
