By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
