Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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