"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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