You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
