just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
