She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
