mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up under a house in Key West
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