My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
