now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
