How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
