i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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