Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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