why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
