Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
