.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
