well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
