You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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