piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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