everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
